Adventures of a Brand New Cook

I know, I know

2010-02-03T18:17:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I'm going to have to end up changing the name of this blog. I am neither new at this, nor am I much of a cook lately. I'm in grad school, okay? Sue me.

Actually, I did sort of cook last night in honor of the big Lost premiere (dude, that island is screwed and awesome!). In truth, the only thing I cooked was the vermicelli, then I cut up some chicken tenders I bought at Target and poured on a vodka sauce, purchased at same, and had me some Fried Vodka Vermicelli! It is the ultimate College Cheat Meal. I've still got some leftovers, but I didn't eat them tonight.

Because I had Oreos for dinner. College rocks.

Don't Act Surprised, Y'all

2010-01-16T17:25:00.001-06:00

I'd just like you all to know that I broke my microwave cooking a Lean Cuisine panini.

That is all.

Um...I have to eat

2009-12-09T14:49:00.002-06:00

Finals Week

Here are my recipes for this week:

Breakfast: Pour a bowl full of cereal, add milk, eat it with a spoon

Lunch: Take two pieces of bread, add peanut butter, bite

Dinner: Unwrap a Red Barron french bread pizza, microwave it, shove into mouth

Of course, every once in a while I eat gummy snacks, crackers, and ice cream. Sorry, my babies, that's all you're getting from me.

Huevos Rancheros

2009-11-28T16:28:00.004-06:00

Huevos Rancheros

Still on the camera phone. Sorry. I'm going to find my camera soon, I swear. Although, even if I do, the pictures still don't look like pictures in the other food blogs. What kind of cameras are they using?

Anyway, I took a second shot at my huevos rancheros this morning, and they were even better! I actually fried the eggs this time instead of scrambling them. Well, I say "I," but I mean my mom. She asked if I needed her "help," and she just took over. I did make the salsa all on my own, though, and if I do say so myself, it kicked ass. Mama fried the eggs, and I plated. It's a pretty little breakfast. I ate mine without the beans and the sour cream, though. I'm a picky eater.

Here's the recipe:

Ingredients:

Two cans of peeled fire roasted tomatoes. (You can use diced, but the sauce will be a little runny.)
Half of a yellow onion.
One clove of garlic
One jalapeno pepper
One six-inch flour tortilla per person
Two eggs per person
Black beans
Sour cream
Green onions
Shredded Colby Jack cheese
salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin, chives, red pepper flakes*
Extra virgin olive oil

Put the tomatoes, onion, garlic and pepper into a blender, and puree. Put the salsa in a skillet with a tablespoon of oil, add the spices, and thicken over low heat. Thinly coat the bottom of another skillet with olive oil and fry the tortillas for one minute on each side. The air pockets should puff up. Fry the eggs in the same skillet, adding more oil as necessary, to the desired runniness. If using the beans, heat them in a skillet with one tablespoon of olive oil. Plating order: tortilla, egg, salsa, beans, cheese, green onions, sour cream. Serve while hot and deeeeeelicious!

*I play pretty fast and loose with spices, so you can put in whatever you want and as much of them that you want.

I tend to play pretty fast and loose with

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T19:02:00.016-06:00

Thanksgiving Day

Hey, y'all! It's been a while, but I've been busy with school, plus I still cannot find my digital camera. I took today's pictures with my mother's Blackberry, so they're not very good quality. You get the idea, though. I'm still very much a beginner in the kitchen, so I wasn't allowed to cook anything on my own. I was merely a humble assistant to my mother, SUPER COOK! She not only makes delicious food, but she also makes it beautiful. You'd think I would have inherited it.

We started off the day with Mama's breakfast quiche. It's basically eggs, ham, milk, cheese, and green onions in a pre-made pie crust. It kicks ass. She used some sort of packaged four-cheese in it this time, and it was extra good. I was going to make my huevos rancheros this morning, but I didn't wake up until nine, so I guess I'll have to do it tomorrow after the early bird (bleeding) shopping.

My cousin Nicole, who is staying with us, made these little appetizers for us. I don't usually like cucumber, but with the sun-dried tomato paste, feta cheese, and parsley on top, they were a wonderful, light starter to our huge meal. Sort of like the leg stretches you do before a marathon. She didn't have a name for them, so Mama and I decided to call them Italian flags because they were red, green and white, plus all the ingredients are Italian (I'm not sure that cucumbers and parsley are particularly Italian, but I guess they have them there, soooooo shut it.)

As this is a holiday full of cooking and family and reminiscing, THERE WILL BE BOOZE! I stuck to mimosas, but Mama asked for a cranberry mimosa, or a Poinsettia. I mixed it up for her, and it's just cranberry juice and champagne. It's pretty good for a little holiday cocktail.

Here's Daddy, proud as a new parent over his spanking new electric fryer. Before this he's always done the turkeys in this gigantic pot full of peanut oil, and the whole thing was time-consuming and potentially disastrous. With this thing, we just put it in and let it roll.

Next up is MAMA'S EPIC DRESSING! I swear, y'all, everyone who has ever been to our house has agreed that this is the best dressing they've ever eaten. It's chicken, cornbread, cream of celery, green onions, and some other stuff I'm not sure about, but I wait all year for this stuff! If everything else burned, this dressing would still make a perfect holiday.

Here is the first finished bird. The night before, Daddy always injects the turkeys with a sun-dried tomato dressing. Mama loves it, especially since it means she doesn't have to go through the rigmarole of roasting a turkey, or, rather, two since we have so many people over. I can't imagine having Thanksgiving any other way.

The pies! The one up front is Mama's chocolate chess pie, and the only pie that come close is the chess pie at Ajax in Oxford, Mississippi (Dear Ajax Chefs, Please send me the recipe to your chess pie. Also, your macaroni and cheese because I no longer live in Oxford, and no matter how hard I try to replicate yours, it turns out gross. Your Servant (possibly literally), Lauren.). The second cake is Grandpa Richard's Pecan Pie. We've had all our relatives reporting that they're making this for the holidays, too. We'll still be passing this one along for many years to come.

And back by popular demand, the 63 Egg Cake. Mama and I made it a lot faster this time, mostly because we weren't wasting our time looking at the recipe going "Seriously? Seriously?!" Yes, it's still perfect. Mama added a little sprig of fake flowers on top. It could almost be a wedding cake.

Of course, there were tons of other things. We had Paula Deen's corn casserole, a sweet potato casserole, corn dip, shrimp dip, deviled eggs, etc. All delish. Once it got dark we even roasted marshmallows in the outdoor fireplace and made s'mores. It's been a good Thanksgiving. I'm really full, kinda tired, and just a little bit drunk.

Lasagna

2009-11-01T10:24:00.002-06:00

I was waiting to post this until I could the picture loaded onto my computer, but that may never happen. I can't find my digital camera, so I had to use my camera phone for the lasagna, but I can't e-mail on my phone, so I sent it to my mom's Crackberry, but her phone isn't working, so y'all are just going to have to use your imaginations.

I got the recipe out of Food Network Magazine, and I'm sure it would have been great if I hadn't totally screwed it up. First of all, I didn't buy enough cans of tomatoes. Second, I was in the middle of cooking when I read that I needed a food processor. So, I ended up with too little of a sauce that wouldn't spread properly. I tried to add some milk and flour to it to thicken the liquid a little, and it worked okay, but it ended up really bland.

Things I learned:
1) Read the whole recipe before you even do your shopping.
2) You should cook the lasagna sheets before you bake the whole thing.

I bought a Paula Deen cookbook (she's my patron saint of the kitchen), and a lot of her recipes call for food processors, too. I called Mama and asked her what I could use instead (because food processors are expensive), and she said to just get a blender. I went down to Super Target (It's so awesome!), and found a little red Oster blender that has twelve speeds, including puree, and I think I'll make some huevos rancheros for my company next weekend.

Today I'm going to make cashew chicken, but I don't like cashews, so I'm making ... chicken.

Cinnamon Rolls Without the Pillsbury Doughboy

2009-10-25T20:24:00.003-05:00

I made cinnamon rolls! I saw a recipe in Food Network magazine and thought, "Hey, how hard can that be?" Very. That is the answer. I had to use yeast to make it, so it was more like baking bread than I thought it would be. The recipe had these weirdly specific instructions that I wasn't used to, like "Heat the milk to 100 degrees. Pour the yeast and sugar into the milk, don't stir. Let it sit until foamy." Did it get foamy? No, it did not. I don't see why it would. Does yeast make milk foamy? Whatever, I used it anyway.

Working with the dough was different. The texture was sticky, which I guess is what bread dough is like. When I flattened it out, the edges were rounded, so when it was time to roll it up, the ends didn't have the right layers. I decided to just use the middle of it since there was no way I was going to eat it all anyway. I couldn't seem to roll them very tightly, so I knew they were going to look weird. I hoped for the best though. When I got them out, they were all wonky in the pan, but they smelled great. I threw the glaze together (just powdered sugar, butter, and whipping cream), slapped it over a couple of them, and they tasted awesome! I might put a little less butter in the filling next time, but other than that I was very happy with them. To ward off the structure problems, I might flatten the dough a little more and cut an even rectangle out. And I'll definitely make sure that there are more people to eat them.

Next time: Lasagna! I've already got the ingredients. On a related note, groceries are really expensive.

The Big Ragou

2009-10-17T15:27:00.003-05:00

Penne with Beef Ragou

I am going to take this opportunity to say HELL TO THE YES! I am a goddess of the kitchen! All bow before me! This turned out awesome! The only real hitch was that I didn't realize until I was halfway through cooking the sauce that it has to cook for an hour, but it turned out okay

The recipe called for a bunch of vegetables, none of which I am big on, so I stuck with the garlic and onion in the sauce. The problem is that most grocery stores make you buy, like, six of whatever vegetable it is you want, and I only want one. I need to find some cute little veggie stand that lets you buy in any quantities. Then it'll actually be worth my grad student budget to put it in these kinds of dishes.

When the food was finally done, I put it in my cute little pasta bowls I got from BB&B, took pictures for the two of you reading, and chowed done. I was sitting on my couch and going into full-on paroxysms over the fact that I'd actually made something that turned out well. I'm not saying it was restaurant quality or anything, but it would definitely do for a little family dinner.

The only bum note of the evening was when I went to put away the leftovers. I was about to put the penne into little sandwich containers (man, could I use a Tupperware party right about now), and the entire bowl of pasta spilled onto my kitchen rug. I must confess to you, dear reader, I said a bad word. I debated just blowing on it and putting it back in the bowl, but I haven't cleaned my floor in ages, so I threw the pasta away and stored the sauce. If I want it later, I'll just cook some of the vermicelli I keep around.

Un Croque Madame

2009-10-16T21:04:00.004-05:00

Le Croque Madame

So, I looked it up, and a croque madame is just a croque monsieur with a fried egg on top. I think I jumped the gun a little on tackling this, because while a ham and cheese sandwich sounds simple, a few problematic things started to add up. First of all, I don't have a panini press, so I ended up pressing the sandwich down on the griddle with my spatula - not the same result at all. Also, I had never made beschamel before, so I had no idea if I was doing it right. Then one of the pieces of bread charred to a crisp, like, immediately. I had to peel it off and cook that half again. When I finally finished, it was about ten o'clock at night, and I wasn't hungry anymore.

The Verdict:

1) Before I try it again, I need the proper tools.

2) I'll skip the Dijon next time and go for the honey mustard. I know it's not as French, but, hey, what is America about other than taking other people's cultures and bastardizing them for our own purposes?

3) The recipe called for batard, but I didn't even know what that was. I googled it, but I had no idea where to find fancy bread like that. I ended up using Sara Lee whole grain white. Again, not the same result.

Next time I make it I think it'll be a lot better now that I've worked out the kinks.

Tomorrow: Penne with Beef Ragou!

P.S. Here are my Paula pots!

That woman is a goddess.

Intermediary

2009-10-15T09:04:00.003-05:00

I have actually been cooking; it just hasn't been anything that really required any effort. I made chocolate chip muffins from a mix to bring to one of my classes. I had to buy a muffin pan, but I figure I'll have to make muffins again one day, so it's an investment really. I was a little worried about making them because my mom told me that dark pans are more likely to burn the food, but I couldn't find any light pans at Target (Don't give me crap about Target. I've only been in T-Town for two months and don't know anyplace better to get my cooking supplies). I covered the little cups in butter, though, so everything came out just fine. I'm not personally very big on muffins, but I may try to find a good recipe from scratch. With chocolate chips, of course. I don't abide by that fruit crap. My general rule for cooking is: Is this ingredient healthy? Then throw it in the trash.

Next, I made eggs. I saw Emeril the other day just throwing stuff into his scrambled eggs, so I just went to town one day. I put in green onions, bits of turkey slices, shredded cheese, and cayenne. The green onions were good because even when I didn't get a bite with onion, the onion essence was still there. They are definitely a keeper. I might try bacon next time instead of the turkey, because I can't really taste the turkey as much. Or the cheese. I definitely need to play around with it some more.

Next time: I bought the Paula Deen pots from Target, and the first thing I'm going to make in them is a Croque Madame recipe from Williams-Sonoma.

63 Egg Cake!

2009-10-11T09:46:00.002-05:00

Success! Although I should add for the sake of full disclosure that my mother did most of the work, and I was just her little sous chef.
63 Egg Cake has a long history. The recipe was invented in 1857 by a girl at the local Episcopal Church. It won the Mississippi State Fair, and they've been making it for weddings and festivals ever since. The chapel has its own committee dedicated to the care and creation of the cake. It is the main event at their yearly festival, and if you don't get there by eleven a.m., you don't get any.
They call it 63 Egg Cake because the big version they use for weddings has 63 egg whites in it. The home version, however, only has eleven.
We thought the lack of egg yolks would make it less fattening, but there are 4 sticks and 4 Tb. of butter in it. If you ate four pieces of cake, you'd be eating a whole stick of butter. So, now I kind of get why they only make it once a year.
My mom, the expert baker that she is, was completely out of her element while making it. I was beating the egg whites while she creamed the butter with the flour, and she just kept shaking her head.
"I have never made a cake like this before," she said.
"Well, maybe that's why you haven't won the state fair," I said.
She cut her eyes at me. "If this doesn't work, we're making it my way next time."
When all was said and done, though, it was just like the cake we wait for all year. We were worried that it wouldn't taste the same unfrozen (the cake they sell at the church is just out of the fridge), but I dare say that it tasted even better. We definitely won't be making it every day, a) because it's so fattening, and b) because it took about four hours to make. This is Special Event cake only.

The Final Product

Things I Learned:
1) When separating eggs, break the newest egg into a bowl separate from the other eggs. This
way, if you some egg yolk slips in, you only have to throw away one egg instead of everything
you've done up to that point.
2) Always follow the recipe, even if you think it's crazy.

Wontons Part II and 63 Egg Cake Part I

2009-10-10T10:57:00.002-05:00

It's time for a a more sober recap of last night's experiment. I picked a wonton soup recipe at random, and that was probably a mistake. Now, I've found an Emeril recipe for wonton soup, and it looks a lot better, like, it uses broth instead of stock. I'll try the soup again (one day) and be more judicious with my ingredients. I ad-libbed the crab meat, and it was definitely a mistake. Pork all the way next time. And I think I need to let the wontons sit for a while after I seal them before I boil them to try to keep them from falling apart.

Now, on to the next one! My mother and I have acqired the super top secret recipe of the 63 Egg Cake they make at the Episcopal church up the road. They only make it when they have a craft festival once a year, and I missed it this year. My dad knows someone who goes to the church, and he snagged the recipe for us. Lord only knows what he had to do to get it, but I did see him sneaking out of the house one night in a trench coat and shades.

Won Ton Soup

2009-10-09T20:42:00.011-05:00

The Final Product

Another day, another mess. I'm trying to get at least one good recipe out of every part of the world. I've got American, French, Italian and Mexican, and tonight I tried for Asian. P. F. Chang's has a great won ton soup, and my dad and I decided to try it tonight. Actually, I made the won ton soup, and my dad made the Presidente margaritas, so if this post is a little incoherent, you can blame him.

I googled a recipe and just took the first one that came up. Some of the ingredients were a little out of the ordinary, so we had to go to Fresh Market to get them (I love Fresh Market. It's one of my favorite parts about coming home because we don't have one in my college town.). I love working with new ingredients. I feel like I've earned it more if I don't know what I'm doing.

The hardest part was folding the won tons. I basically ended up wetting the ages and gathering together and hoping they stuck. They didn't look terrible, but I don't think they have any plans on hiring me at Chang's anytime soon.

Then we boiled the won tons ("we" because by this time my mom couldn't stand to watch me struggle anymore). After a couple of minutes the fillings had come out of half of them. Only about six of them made it into the chicken stock.

Okay, verdict. It was a valiant effort, but it did not work out. I got the Polite Nod of Death from my parents, my brother, and my future sister-in-law. It may have been the crab meat in the won tons. It may have been using chicken stock instead of broth. I may just need more practice with the won tons.

On the plus side, I'm just tipsy enough to be okay with it.

Intro

2009-10-08T11:09:00.001-05:00

Let me just start by saying that I use the term "chef" in the loosest possible sense. I cook, but certainly not professionally and not always even very well. The only people I cook for are my family and every once in a while a friend or two. Mostly, I cook for myself, so I have a lot of leftovers. I wish there were more recipes for single people. Some food just cannot be eaten reheated, and I feel wasteful.

Dishes I have cooked successfully:

Grilled Chicken
Vodka Rustica Penne
Poulet au Porto
Chicken Enchiladas

Things I just cannot seem to cook:

Chocolate Freaking Chip Cookies

That's right. I can cook French food, but not cookies. Hell if I know what that's all about. The day I finally figure it out, there will be a party they'll feel in Auckland.